A new movement is emerging amongst parents who are ‘rebelling’ against the expectation to return to work as soon as the kids are weaned.  The views of these parents runs counter to current  government policy that rewards through the tax system both parents (or a lone parent) in employment.  Free childcare entitlement for 3-4 year olds has been doubled from 15 to 30 hours per week, but is this really what parents want? And, probably more importantly is this in the best interests of our children?

I am a stay at home mum and I have been accused of being “brain dead” “sponging off my husband” and being “from another generation”.  Like many parents I want to be there for my children; I believe that my kids will only thrive if they are cared for by either myself or my husband.  I want to be respected, appreciated and valued by society; however I am an invisible carer – discriminated against financially by this government for my choice.

The modern way, we are told, is that women can enjoy a high flying career, have a beautiful home, happy content partner and high achieving kids however social media forums are full of women complaining that they have had enough, are exhausted, burnt out and resentful and would actually much rather be the ones at home with their children rather then paying someone else to raise them.

I’m talking from experience …

When I was bringing up my eldest daughter I did work full time, however, I was extremely fortunate to have the support of my parents for childcare, and, as with many parents in this position, I felt that my parents were the next best thing to me.  But what about all the parents out there that do not have this level of family support? It is not impossible but very difficult, even when your children get to school because …

School is not childcare

The school day simply isn’t long enough to cover the average working day.  That’s even before you factor in inset days, holidays, sick days etc .. and although some schools provide afterschool and breakfast clubs, many don’t – and anyway children generally find the school day long enough and just want to get home after a busy day, have a decent meal and relax before bedtime.

Two full time jobs

If a mother works then this means that she effectively has two full time jobs.  Don’t kid yourself that all the housework, cooking, washing, organising the children’s social lives is suddenly going to be undertaken by a supportive husband.  Most women report that they still do the lions share of domestic work in the home despite having a job outside the home too.

The financial balancing act

Free childcare for preschool children only applies during term time, in effect any shortfall in childcare hours will have to be paid for by parents and with school age children covering holiday and after school care is no small financial undertaking.  Many parents ask themselves whether they really wanted to have children just to pay a stranger to look after them, often the extra wage only just covers the childcare bill or if there is surplus it isn’t significant.  Also, having a parent at home full time can reduce overheads, for example, the parent at home has the time to cook healthy meals from scratch, saving money.  I know when I was working I found I was relying on convenience food a lot simply because most of the time I was too tired to cook when I came in from work.

What about what the kids want?

I’m going to stick my neck out on this one and say that in the absence of a family member to help with childcare I’m not convinced that a childminder can provide the level of emotional attachment that a very young child needs.  Also, looking after young children can be particularly testing of patience for even the most devoted parents – is a employee going to feel that same depth of love?

I am fortunate to be a stay at home mum now to our two younger children, but it’s not a picnic in many ways.  My husband earns a decent wage but with the spiralling cost of living we have to go without luxuries.  It’s a price we consider worth paying to have one of us at home for the kids, at least whilst they are still very young.

The governments policy to push mothers out to work is purely financially motivated – to earn more revenue for them; or at least a bedrock of their ideals, to ensure that everyone contributes financially – the contribution to our children’s future is not sufficiently quantifiable to them, it is simply expected.  I don’t for one minute believe that government ministers are thinking about what is best for our children, if they wanted to help facilitate choice then inequality in our tax system could be amended to remove the discrimination against single income families.

Giving parents choice is a good thing…

Of course I appreciate that for many people who need to work this is a blessing and will leave a lot of hard working families better off and with so many families struggling to make ends meet this can only be a good thing.  I am all for choice, I am just asking for equality.

Personally I hated the stress of working and childcare pressures when I was a full time working mum.  I used to feel sad that I could never attend a sports day, play or event at school.  As my daughter grew older I sometimes used to meet her during my lunch hour in school holiday time.  When our time was up and I had to return to the office she would plead with me to stay with her, I think the days during the summer holidays were long and often lonely for her, it was heart wrenching at times and many a time I found myself having a quiet sob in the loo at work.  Yes, I was exercising my grey matter at work and I enjoyed my job, it was interesting and varied and hugely challenging, but why do I need to put on a business suit to get respect?

Is there a middle ground? 

Flexible home working/both parents working part time 

Since I have been writing this blog I have met and spoken to other bloggers who have been incredibly resourceful and successful in carving out a career for themselves working from home around the needs of their children.  Often their blog is a stepping stone to other things and they have been extremely clever and entrepreneurial; whether they are writing for or editing publications, make money out of their own blog, or managing social media accounts for clients.  The opportunities are there and often these women work evenings and shorter school hours because they want to be around for thier kids.  I applaud them,  these women work hard and appear to have found a perfect balance.

I also have friends who work part time and tell me that this works well for them.  I can appreciate that if you have family to fall back on during school holidays then this set up sounds ideal.  If, like us, you don’t have help from family available and, feel, as we do, that you really don’t want anyone else looking after your kids then that isn’t an option.  Also many families report that the gender pay gap prevents shared care/shared working between couples which is extremely frustrating.  When I consider the  measly amount that childcare workers are paid on average (as typical with most female dominated professions e.g. teaching and nursing) this is unsurprising.

I would like to see a level playing field in the tax system; maybe I am being naive but I believe that the government should be there to facilitate choice, not engineer social change.  And, finally, I would really like to see women supporting other women in their choices and not putting others down;  I would absolutely appreciate it if I was never asked if I get bored again.

Because I don’t, by the way.  I can listen to Radio 4 most of the day and discuss the state of the world with my husband ad nauseum, trust me – the grey matter is not dead yet…

What do you think? Are you a full time mother? Is it tough financially but worth it? Do you work part time and believe you have a nice balance? Do you think that if you were at home full time you would be bored silly? Do you have family help with childcare? What is your situation and how does it work for you? Please comment below or email me juleschi@googlemail.com.  I would love to hear from you …

Jules (a retro mamma) xx

25 thoughts on “Preschool childcare – do we really want it?

  1. I think the important thing is choice. What’s right for you isn’t the same as what’s right for me. I work part-time. My daughter used to go to nursery three days a week. She’s now at school and loves it so much that she sometimes begs to go to wraparound care. We have a balance that works for us but society needs to acknowledge that everyone is different.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. You are right choice is the main thing, but you are right at the moment there seems to be a focus on earning more and having more, neither thing is necessarily the best thing for the children. I’m lucky though, we have jobs that have allowed us to be flexible with our hours so we can work around the children.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Although I truly enjoy time I spend with both of my girls, I still want to go back to work. Just because I love what I am doing and I wish to continue.
    It’s a bit of a challenge for me. Working freelance, as I do now, is not the best option as I never know when I am going to have a job to do, sometimes I have to turn the job down if I am not able to fit it around my children’s schedule.
    I would love to work part-time, normal morning hours or 2-3 days a week. And that’s where the greatest challenge comes. In modern world if you want a job, go work full-time or you are not getting it. That’s another point about inequality. There is not much flexibility offered for those who are looking for a new job months or years after maternity leave.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It’s definitely an interesting debate. I’m a stay at home mum and I went back and forth for ages trying to decide whether I would use the 15 free hours for my daughter when she turned 3. I didn’t really see the point as I was at home anyway but it turns out those 15 hours a week in nursery have been amazing for her, she’s grown so much in confidence, knowledge, social skills and I really believe it’s prepared her for starting primary school. That being said I don’t think I would use the full 30 hours as I just quite simply wouldn’t need it. Where as I understand that parents who work would. x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Abigail, I used the 15 hours too with my kids, to be quite honest it gave me a much needed break and time to get errands and stuff done without them! They are both at school now, I wouldn’t have taken the 30 hour option because I think it would have been too much for them.
      As I understand it the 30 hour option is only available if both partners are working anyway…


  5. I had to go back to work pretty quick purely because I am the breadwinner and we simply can’t afford for me to take longer off. Childcare is the biggest headache for us not to mention the most expensive. Given the choice I would love to just work 5 mornings a week until she starts school but financially its just not possible for the job I have or financially. http://www.onesliceoflemon.com

    Liked by 1 person

  6. It’s such an interesting topic but one that’s also very personal to you. I’ve previously worked both full time and part time and I’m currently debating whether to go back now I’m on maternity leave with my third child… but ultimately I think I go stir crazy staying home with children too much. Part time tended to work well for me. I still haven’t made up my mind yet though. X


    1. Hi Kaz, I was a single mum for 14 years. I’ve written about it a bit on my blog, I am really proud of those years and in many ways I was very happy and content. What do you do working from home? I need to generate some extra cash and always looking for ideas, thanks! X


  7. Ooo controversial. With my eldest I went back to work full time when she turned 1 because I had to, but I also wanted to. I loved my job and my daughter needed the stimulation of nursery, I just wasn’t entertaining enough. With my youngest I decided not to return to full time work and I bring in some income through blogging. My eldest is now at school so it’s definitely helpful to be around as needed.
    For the many women who love working and want children having more affordable childcare is essential, being a stay at home isn’t for everyone and it’s sad if people feel they have to be one because they can’t afford childcare. It’s also sad if people feel they are being forced to work when they want to stay at home with kids.
    Being a woman involves a lot of compromises, but theoretically having the support through childcare to allow them to make the best choices for them is great (whether the country can afford the childcare funding is another matter).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s all about having the choice, and facilitating this by making a level playing field. No parent should feel forced into a role they are uncomfortable with. I enjoyed working too, I definitely got more respect, although I think that is wrong too. I actually found working in law easier then being at home with young kids!

      Thanks for your comment, and I’m glad the article got you thinking … x


    2. Every one is talking about how much childcare is… Yes expensive. But my thoughts are.. childcare teachers give a lot of love to the children in their care. Some spend more time with the children then their parents that. Choose to work or have to. I feel childcare is good for children. Helps them develop a lot of skills. From social to emotional development. The daycare providers are paid little to nothing for caring for little ones. Parents pay a lot but the teacher don’t get alot.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, I would agree, childcare workers are not paid enough and yes, a lot of them work very hard and are conscientious, in time young children can form bonds with them.

        I’m just not convinced that the governments drive to push mothers back to work especially when their children is fair, it takes away the choice and a lot of mums feel that they want to be the ones raising their kids and not missing out.

        When it comes to socialising the kids, mums can do that too perfectly adequately by going to toddler groups, meeting other mums etc …

        Thanks for reading and commenting, it’s extremely worthwhile and interesting to have a debate on this topic.


  8. Good Article.
    I am a mother of 2 young boys (2) and (4) who are extremely active, healthy eaters, and loving. I believe this is because they have mostly been cared for from family members. I had my oldest son not long after completing college, so I struggled mentally between getting a job and staying home.

    I tried doing an after school program when my son was 4 mo. Because it was part time 2-6pm it wasn’t extremely demanding, but my husband’s work schedule at the time was not consistent, so it made it difficult for me to feel comfortable asking for help because we opted out of daycare. I looked into childcare after about 6 mo. of working and ended up working at a daycare part-time to get 1/2 off tuition. Now, when I was home with my family we enjoyed all the milestones together, and leaving home (with or w/out my baby began to get overwhelming). By the time my oldest was 20 mo. I was pregnant, working 2 part-time jobs (that I loved), yet feeling unfulfilled as a mommy.

    3 months into pregnancy led me to asking my husband what he thought of me being a stay at home mom. Long story short, we agreed on my staying home; then, when my youngest son was 7 mo. I started subbing. 🙂 By this time, my in-laws had moved from another state to ours, so help was there. I subbed for a year, then taught preschool for a year at the same private school I was subbing. My oldest was 3 and able to attend the preschool program, but I chose not to put him in my class.

    Here I am now, staying home and working from home with a non profity organization to help the physical, emotional and spirtitual needs of kids in my community. For the last 4 years I have allowed myself to learn as much as I could to raise my children in love and academics, and I have taken on the big challenge of homeschooling for now. I hope to do this until my children graduate high school, but we will see!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for commenting. You raise some interesting points, I agree with you about children thriving when they are looked after by someone who loves them.

      It sounds as though you have found the perfect balance now, working from home and homeschooling. I’d love to hear how you find that, it’s an option I have considered…


    1. Thank you, getting people to think about the policy and the often overlooked needs of the child is kind of what I hoped would come across from the post. I’m not anti quality childcare at all, I’m just not sure that wrap around care for very young children is really what they need…

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I am a full time Stay at home Mom. Part time Blogger. I am fortunate enough to have a hubby that makes good money, but that wasn’t always the case. I was an aspiring Pharmacist. I use to work when my oldest was younger. When I had my second child (Nicole), financially it was the right decision to stay st home…at least until she went to school…12 years later I am still at home. Some times it is VERY tedious. I cook, I clean, I clean some more, I shop, I play video games…
    But I wouldn’t change it for the world! I love being home when my kids get home from school, we talk about their day, some times they vent and rant, usually they bring friends home and they all end up talking to me. I’m a second mom to a lot of my oldest daughters friends. This is a safe place for them to come and chat about what ever is bothering them.
    I also did child care for a few years, and it is true, you love the kids, but they are not your own. You never get that BOND that you get with your own children, and frustration level raise way quicker than if they are your own.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think that this is absolutely spot on, it’s about being there when they come home from school and you can’t put a price on that.
      As you say, it does have its tedious side, but, the way I look at it is that domestic stuff would still need to be taken care of in addition to any job outside the home that I might do and frankly, I’m not prepared to take on two jobs – exhausting myself in the process.
      My kids love being able to come home after a busy day and not have to go off to a childminders house, no matter how nice that person might be, it will never be like coming home.


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